Here is a Top Ten you know when you’re fat when…

10. You realize that revenge is not the only dish best served cold.

9. You make an unavoidable grunt when struggling to rise from a comfortable position.

8. You think an all You Can Eat Buffett sounds like a challenge not a just a place to eat.

7. The food network is not as boring as it used to be.

6. You growing out a beard just to make it seem like you have a jaw line ala George Lucas “the denial is strong in this one”.

5. You going to a fast food place is like going to a porn shop. You go in and don’t look at anyone directly, look at the list of options hurriedly lest anyone you know recognizes you, pay for you item(s) and high tale it out of there to enjoy your ill gotten gains in the comfort of your own home…napkins are a must.

4. The phrase “once around the block” sounds as daunting as “this might sting a little”.

3. You sit down and it looks like your belt slammed into your waistline and an air bag has been set off around your mid section.

2. You believe a sign that reads “Just take One” seems to violate your civil rights.

1. The current President of the United States Looks better in a bathing suit than you do.