Dear Patron Saint of Couch Potatoes…

I want to lose weight…while sitting on the couch, eating whatever I want…annnnnnd with little to no effort…That is the truth, the long and short of it is I’m just being lazy. I’m not lazy when it comes to excuses, just action.
I think the problem was that I wasn’t “seeing” immediate results when I was going to the gym before. I wanted to be the dude in the cheesy weight loss commercials whose fat photo dissolves away in a split second to reveal the hard body…with the perfect, well…everything. Losing weight is as much mental as it is physical. I know this…you know this, so why am I not doing anything about it? What will be my “rock bottom” moment? When will I say…”ok, yea, I will go running with you”. Or “Yes, I will meet you at the gym to play some basketball”. Why not today? Why not just stop blogging and start jogging?
I live a vary charmed life, I have amazing friends and family, I’ve never been happier in my professional and personal life, yet…my overall “feeling” is off. I find that I tug at my shirt the instant it touches my expanding midsection as if the fabric would burn my flesh upon contact. I have a pocket of well, fat that hangs under my chin and is dangerously close to touching my chest…or so it seems. And what about the ever popular love handles? Got’em. Moobs? Yep. Pants that need to be constantly pulled up least someone mistake me for a plumber? Oh yeah. SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!! This, I need to rant a little before I run a lot. I need to watch what I eat instead of watching TV while I eat. I have declared war on my current way of life. Will I lose some battles? Yes. But I hope to win the war.

Crashing and Feeling the Burn

It was a stormy day my friends, as if the X Game Gods knew I was fresh meat for the Blanket Creek Bike Trail. The rain and winds were a tempest of fury and...um...ok, so it was more of a brief sprikle...and the wind was not as ferocious as it was refreshing. Never the less! Attempting my first mountain biking experience felt like a daunting endeavour.

Before I left the comfort and safety of my office, people all day long were saying things like "Make sure you don't look at the trees on either side of you, because your front tire will go where you are looking" or " Man, make sure you don't use the front brake before you use the back one or, well...you know (at this point they made a crashing sound as they acted out my certain and impending death by mountain bike)" and my favorite " You have your will up to date?". I decided that this was my make or break moment, I got my bike loaded, put the key into my SUV's ignition, said a silent prayer...and headed out to Blankets Creek.

As I pulled up to the "loading/unloading" parking lot area, there were a ton of trucks and jeeps packed with bikes and riders wearing waaaaaaay too tight shorts. Not sure the purpose of these shorts, but I know that I will not be caught dead in them. Anyway, I unloaded my Dimondback bike and joined the rest of my group. I am now a memeber of the Tekla Cardiac Club, this group mainly consists of co-workers and like minded individuals...as I said before, I must be their version of a 'fitness intervention'.

We started out on the Mosquito Flats trail, this was a relatively easy trail that meandered through the forrest with little to no incline, fast down hills, or jumps. After biking this trail my confidence was pretty high and I was beginning to wonder what the big deal was...that's when it happended.

The leader of the group me asked what trail I would like to do next "You can either take the Mosquito Bite trail and live to talk about it...or you can ride with us and take the Dwelling trail and see how the rest of your week goes." (big grin on his face BTW). I thought for a moment, and of course my pride over ruled my better judgement and I proceeded to the Dwelling Trail.

The Dwelling Trail is a intermediate course with rolling hills, jumps, and tricky terain...I should have stuck with the "bunny slopes", what I lacked in stamina I made up for in mistakes. I was in the wrong gear 98% of the time so climbing hills felt like I was dragging a school bus through the mud. When I was going down hill I manged to hit every bump and small obsticle along the way. During one of my many haroing decents down the mountain I miss judged a turn and headed off the trail strait for a tree at about 150 miles per hour (give or take a few mph's). I jerked the bike to the right and flew off my bike past the tree and clashed with a resunding thud on the unforgiving dagger rocked trail about a 100 yards away from my bike (give or take a few yards).

Luckly my buddy was riding right behind me and wittness the horrifc accedent (he doesn't think it was that bad), he road up to crater I had caused by my landing and asked if I was ok . I didn't answer right away, I simplly laid there spralled out on my back staring up at the gigantic forrest trees gently swaying in the wind and I realized two things: 1. As odd as it sounds, the crash was a kind of 'awaking' for me. I felt like I was really out there doing something and I never felt so empowered and energized in my all my life...and 2. Squirrels can laugh...loudly. they are spitfull little creatures.

I picked myself up, dusted myself off, dislodged my bike from the tree and got back on the perverbial horse. I was tired, covered in sweet, blood was flowing from my arms and legs, and I FELT AWESOME! I was ready to finnish strong, I attacked the trail like a man possessed and was really getting into a rhythm...until my bike chain broke. (sigh) I was almost 2.8 miles into this 4 mile trail when this happened...I had to walk my bike the rest of the way. But I did finnish the trail, bloodied and soiled with sweet and dirt, I limped across the imaginary finnish line. As I loaded my bike into the SUV, a phrase entered my mind that I thought was definitively poignant at that time. "Old men never regret the things they did, only the things they did NOT do." I think this can be a montra I can get behind, I don't want to miss out on any of life's adventures...even the painful ones. mountain biking is going to be a constant from here on...I just need to get a new chain and load up on bandaids.

More to come...

Sit on Your Butt and Do Something!

Sweet Mother McCree, Looks like it is cross training time! In my continued effort to turn my abs…well back into abs, I am going to attempt mountain biking today. I haven’t been on a bike since I started to drive a car, so this should be interesting. I went to Wally World last night and purchased some necessary items: bike tubes, check. Helmet, check. Gloves, check. Balls of steel? (Sigh) it appears with age comes much wisdom…and fear of injuring one’s self. I keep picturing me biking down the mountain at brake neck speed with a trail of fire behind me and my girlish screams shattering the tranquility of my forest surroundings. I used to live for the rush of the great unknown, now I just want to live, period. I hope I can add this to my list of things that I love to do and provides a great deal of exercise…placing the alarm clock on the other side of the room is just not going to cut it anymore.

More to come…

It's True! I'm going to run in the ING Marathon next year. More to come, stay tuned!!!!

Heavy Thoughts

For those that truly know me, know that I rarely ‘stick with’ something for any extended period of time. School…nope…Not drinking beer during weekdays…Not so much…Do the dishes right after making dinner…Uh, no…Not make my wife crazy with my constant shenanigans…what do you think?

Anyway, going to the gym consistently seems to be teetering on that edge of ‘Let’s Go!’ and ‘Definitely Tomorrow’. So what’s a guy to do? Back in the day, being in shape was always an easy thing for me. Today however I find that my belly and brain our at odds with one another. My belly wants it all, and my brain wants it all gone! I know I’m not as active as I once was; I used to surf and play basketball all the time…now I watch basketball and dream about the ocean. I have been hiding behind being busy with work and not getting enough rest at night bla, bla, bla…truth is I have been busy with work, but I’m not working 23 hour days in a physically demanding occupation, I'm in a nice air conditioned office with a nice view...plus I stay up waaaaaaaay to late watching NBA playoffs and marathons of deadliest catch.

So fed up and out of excusesI sheepishly went back into the gym yesterday after a several week hiatus and found that I actually missed working out (Gasp!) Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m sore as a two dollar whore today…but I think my brain might just be getting a tad bit stronger that my belly!

Lifting and Tightening and Bear Crawls….Oh MY!

With my heart condition somewhat under control and out of further excuses, it’s back to the gym I go. I’ve switched things up a bit this time around, my wife and I are working out together….and no, that’s not some veiled reference for marital Koitus. We are working out with our personal trainer Dustin, who has me doing, what, can only be described as a spastic calisthenics/comedy routine with heavy emphasis on me frequently collapsing in a heap of gasping profanities…My wife often finishes the sets for the both of us. Lifting weights is likened to a stroll in the park via a fully mobile lazy boy recliner compared to the frenzy of up-down, back and forth business. Don’t get me wrong, I like the results I’m seeing so far and Dustin is spot on as far as a trainer and around stand up guy…But I’m sore all over and tonight…It begins again. I now realize why ‘muscle heads’ are always pissed off and looking for a fight, it’s not that they’re assholes…They’re just in a tremendous amount of pain all the time! Anyway that’s the ‘skinny’ on what’s been going on lately…

Da na na na na na Fatman!!!

Why are, fat people or robust individuals, regarded as lepers in American society? We’ve been taught/conditioned to believe that slim equals healthy right? So why do we call a woman that has gained a few pounds a “healthy girl”? Men are always asked, “What is your favorite part of a woman, legs, Boobs or Ass?” Do you know that 67% of the men asked this question picked boobs? And almost all them answered that they would not mind if their lady had a little more to go around. Bigger girls’ usually have bigger breasts right? Wouldn’t that ring true if you were into legs or ass also? Ask any frat boy in America and he will tell you that a ‘fat girl’ is more accommodating in bed, because according to them they are trying to over compensate for their poor self image. So what is the alternative, secretly have amazing sex but publicly date a skinny cold fish? Some countries around the world savor a corpulent person; Africa, India, Polynesian, Hispanic and African American cultures, just to name a few. I for one think that actress Megan Fox is a knock out, but I wouldn’t mind sinning with Grey’s Anatomy actress Sara Ramirez either. Note: I am not a follower of Grey’s Anatomy…I’m not gay, that discussion is for a different blog. When can a person be too skinny? If a guy has a slight build he is a wimp, if a girl diets obsessively, she is a skeleton. I am really getting into working out and staying fit, but am I doing this because I feel lethargic, unenergetic, tired and my health is in distress? Or because when I take off my shirt I want to hear “Good God he’s hot!” Instead of “Good Lord he’s fat!”